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Ash's Christmas Horror

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AoDACHACover

"A" Cover

Ash'sChristmasHorror

"B" Cover

Ash's Christmas Horror was a Holiday special one-shot comic for Dynamite Entertainment's "Army of Darkness" series. It was released in 2008.

Plot Edit

The story begins on the previous Christmas Eve at S-Mart. People are rushing to finish their Christmas shopping, making Ash and the other S-Mart employees suffer through the holiday madness. The scene shifts to a Santa Claus photo opp area they've set up. The store manager announces the event and mentions that if shoppers spend a hundred dollars or more, they'll receive a "special gift", which is just a cheesy bobble head doll. A woman dressed as a scantily clad Elf, known as "Mary Christmas", stands by to introduce the store's Santa Claus. Elsewhere, The Evil Watcher, mistaken for a Halloween decoration and placed in the discount aisle, decides to wreak havoc on the store's occupants. All of a sudden, there is a large gust of wind, followed by holiday decorations being brought to life. "Santa" (whose real name is revealed to be Earl) and a few Elves in the background are turned into Deadites. The "scary Santa" sneaks up behind Mary and grabs her by her hair. After Ash arms himself with a handgun and pistol, and grabs a pair of Elvis Preseley-styled sunglasses, he rescues Mary from being fed to Santa's possessed chair with razor-sharp teeth. The evil Santa questions who Ash is, and the S-Mart staff member gives a brief speech explaining that the event is only for customers and employees, and not Deadites. Ash then opens fire on the store Santa, shooting him several times in his torso. The demonic Santa opens his coat, revealing an Elf-like creature growing from his chest. It begins to strangle Ash and taunt him. Ash gains the upper hand, and blows off the Elf-thing's head. Suddenly, a possessed plastic reindeer knocks Ash off his feet. Ash manages to land on top of it, and charges into their store's Santa Claus, impaling him into the chair with the reindeer's antlers. A little girl tugs on Ash's shirt, and asks him if he's the real Santa Claus. Ash responds by telling the kid to scram. The store's manager is upset about the Deadite incident, as it caused the shoppers to evacuate. Ash proceeds to cut up the defeated Santa and the reindeer with his Chainsaw. While he does so, he explains to the store manager that he can "Deadite proof" the place, but it'll require some adjustments...

One day short of a year has passed. There is a sign posted next to Mr. Williams, who is now the manager of the Housewares Department, with the new business hours - Hours: Dawn to Dusk. Closed: Christmas Day, Halloween, June 6th at 6:00, all Friday the 13th's and Valentine's Day. Later, Mr. Smart pulls Ash to the side and asks him to be Santa tomorrow since he killed the previous Santa last year. Ash says that he's not going to put up with "eleventh hour" shoppers tomorrow and their spoiled brats, and storms out of the store. Ash arrives home wondering why he even celebrates the holidays since it's just him, and turns on the TV, but unfortunately, only Christmas related shows are on, so Ash goes over to the Necronomicon, which gives him an evil look. Ash says he's lonely enough to talk to the book, but instead goes to bed. The book then emits a green smoke that goes over to Ash's TV, then into Ash's bedroom, and finally into the nose of the sleeping Ash. Ash wakes up out of bed to find The Wise Man, Mr. Smart, and a shrouded figure standing in his bedroom, representing the ghosts of Christmas past, present and future, and tell him that he needs to find out what the holiday means to him by finding the Christmas Star. So Ash grabs his Boomstick and Chainsaw and heads out his front door, which has taken him to a snow covered forest, where two elves and a yellow-stained elderly snowman are debating if Santa likes fat chicks. Ash demands to know where this Christmas Star can be found, but "Piss-Pop" and the elves are no help, so Ash leaves. As Ash walks in the direction of this Star, he passes the town of Youville, and a grumpy old man who gets hit by a snowball, and he finally stops by a group of children preparing for a play. As one child steps up to a microphone to give a speech, Ash takes the mic from the boy and begins to tell the children that "It's an excuse for a bunch of selfish misfit bastards to cram into stores and make us Working Joe's miserable..." but all the children hear is "blah blah blah" coming from his mouth and begin to dance. Ash leaves and gets close enough to the Star to realize that it's not a star at all, but a sales spotlight for an S-Mart gimmick. Ash looks inside the S-Mart and sees the Deadite Santa from last year killing the customers, and the hooded figure representing Christmas future appears, and pulls down the hood concealing it's face, revealing it was Linda showing Ash how the world would be without him, and tells him that he needs to be the hero, saving everyone from the Deadites. The story then cuts to the next day, where Ash is dressed as Santa telling a kid if she drops a bladder blotch on him, she's gonna get a bag of crap for Christmas.

Next in the Army of Darkness series Edit

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